A lot has happened since the 17th but it has mostly to do with words.
(hey! that's why we're here, right??)
On the 17th I didn't do much more than simply type up some of the stuff for A VIEW OF THE MOUNTAIN.
The following day, saturday, again it was the story of the Monk and the King but also some more on something that I've been working for a while now but that still hasn't reached these pages. More on that later. Probably in a whole new post.
(i want you to read goddammit!)
sunday I worked so no(t much) writing for the wicked. I printed a fresh copy of THE SHIFT with the few alterations I'd done so far. And also my summary of the stuff I've been doing for the last couple of years so that i can actually let people know what's up my creek. I'll probably post it here at some point - I still haven't revised it and updated it, that's why...
I also finished up typing up all the alterations in A VIEW OF THE MOUNTAIN and printed the whole thing off. Since then I've been working on the other file, doing the same thing. Coming up with panels for the various sequences, then typing them up. As soon as the two files are ready - in the sense of all the dialogue having panels to go and a rough breakdown in pages/sections - I'll begin that actually quite fun task of copy pasting with scissors and tape. I'll have the three files printed (probably over 200 pages of material), hopefully a decluttered bed and plenty of time.
And I'll start matching bits of script together and create a first version of the full story in two parts. I'll probably need just a whole day to do all that tape&scissors copy pasting and then another to actually do the same thing on the computer. Structures take time. This is something I'm learning every time I do them. The other thing is don't try to do it in one go. Do as much as you can, but if you repeatedly get stuck in the same place (where the heck are these scenes going to go??) the best thing is to wait and do it another day.
On monday the 20th I revised the short comics script for Teatro Do Frio, started a new scritp called AYOOLA, added some more scenes to LAND OF FOG, wrote the synopsis for a roleplaying game character (called Sebastian Lumiere - don't you just love the name??) and worked on another of my special scripts...
(of which Ayoola is also one, by the way...)
And ended up missing the graphic novels reading group meeting having been so engrossed with the writing...
Tuesday I typed a few more pages for the WEIR-D MACHINE, more on AYOOLA, A VIEW OF THE MOUNTAIN and LAND OF FOG.
Wednesday was also spent with AYOOLA and LAND OF FOG.
Thursday just a bit on LAND OF FOG and some more panels on A VIEW OF THE MOUNTAIN.
And yesterday, friday, it was just LAND OF FOG the whole day.
You might ask why have i spent so much time with LAND OF FOG lately. And it is a good question. But the answer is simple. I want to finish as much as possible before nanowrimo starts. And I realised that I could actually finish LAND OF FOG but not really A VIEW OF THE MOUNTAIN.
I'm just over 30 000 words on LAND OF FOG and more or less already have all the crucial scenes. There's 2 or 3 more than I want to add but these are relatively small ones. Then the next step will be to print off the whole thing ('cause today I want to see if I can edit, proof read and correct, if not all, at least most of it) and create a structure for it.
LAND OF FOG tells the story of a traveller that arrives to a strange town and all the scenes far under two general categories. Scenes of him meeting the place and the people. And scenes where weird stories are told or eerie stuff happens to him.
Now one of the ideas I had was to have one of these strands working chronologically forwards and the other backwards. So, let's say, we would start with him leaving the town (and work backwards until we find out what happened on that first day) but using the weird stuff as the basis of the narrative, working thus forward in time since there is a crescendo of intensity in the way the scenes are chronologically placed.
The other idea is simply to have it all working forward in time but having the weird stuff happening before we know how he got there in the first place.
I'm starting to think that this is probably a better solution for it allows us to open up with a strong scene that will hopefully capture the readers attention from then onwards. Besides I think the idea of having the event and then only after seeing someone's expectations as he or she is about to enter it can work. In any case, as soon as I have all the bits and pieces ready it will be easy to come up with a chronological version of the story and then create at least one of these two. Another afternoon of copy pasting with scissors and tape. Which, I'm hoping, will be soon enough. So probably either next wednesday/thursday afternoon. Which are going to be my next days off before we hit nanowrimo head on.
Which means I'll have to have everything written down by tuesday. Which means it would probably be best if I could wrap this thing by today and tomorrow and spend some time on monday/tuesday reviewing the whole thing.
Sounds like a plan, don't it?
That's usually how plans start. They start to sound and, soon enough, they're the ones shouting at you...
Today I'm gonna revise the so called LAND OF FOG short story. If I have time I'll add the new panels to A VIEW OF THE MOUNTAIN and finish typing up WEIR-D MACHINE (only a couple more pages to go - though there is still plenty to tell with this one... this is one that's gonna stick around for a while I think...)
Well, that's it for now!
Peace
Saturday 25 October 2008
Friday 17 October 2008
Comics Script - Developments
How have things been? Quite good actually, even if on wednesday night I couldn't sleep. All the way until 6 am thursday morning.
At least I wrote a bit...
As you know, on tuesday I managed to type up some more panels for A VIEW OF THE MOUNTAIN but I also managed to write some more ideas for the ML project. Wrote some more panels for A VIEW OF THE MOUNTAIN (if you get it going, you might as well stick with it...) and wrote a couple of scenes for THE IMMORTALISTS.
Wednesday I stayed home for most of the day so I could really immerse (I love this word) myself in panel writing. There were a couple of page layouts ideas that I really enjoyed. Sometimes when you force yourself to do things, creativity comes about in unexpected ways...
I also wrote some more ideas on an old story I had a few years ago. Can't even remember the title... I'll have to open dozens of old files and try to find it... sometime...
Then yesterday I didn't really do much. Long day at work and my head felt like an inflated balloon. Big but without much inside it. Just typed a few panels and wrote a couple more things on ML.
And earlier this morning I finally revised the few added bits to THE SHIFT. I'll type them up tomorrow and get a fresh copy of the script to keep in the house. Then it will be ready to send out to all those curious people out there...
Peace
(man, these things do take time...)
Oh! And I also found that updated version of IN THE WILD! It was really a relief! having to do it all again was starting to feel like a waste of time... and I probably wouldn't do it any time soon either...
At least I wrote a bit...
As you know, on tuesday I managed to type up some more panels for A VIEW OF THE MOUNTAIN but I also managed to write some more ideas for the ML project. Wrote some more panels for A VIEW OF THE MOUNTAIN (if you get it going, you might as well stick with it...) and wrote a couple of scenes for THE IMMORTALISTS.
Wednesday I stayed home for most of the day so I could really immerse (I love this word) myself in panel writing. There were a couple of page layouts ideas that I really enjoyed. Sometimes when you force yourself to do things, creativity comes about in unexpected ways...
I also wrote some more ideas on an old story I had a few years ago. Can't even remember the title... I'll have to open dozens of old files and try to find it... sometime...
Then yesterday I didn't really do much. Long day at work and my head felt like an inflated balloon. Big but without much inside it. Just typed a few panels and wrote a couple more things on ML.
And earlier this morning I finally revised the few added bits to THE SHIFT. I'll type them up tomorrow and get a fresh copy of the script to keep in the house. Then it will be ready to send out to all those curious people out there...
Peace
(man, these things do take time...)
Oh! And I also found that updated version of IN THE WILD! It was really a relief! having to do it all again was starting to feel like a waste of time... and I probably wouldn't do it any time soon either...
Tuesday 14 October 2008
Comics Script - Words, Lost and Found
I have a pen drive.
It's a good idea.
So people tell me.
But every so often it gets a bit mad and the things i save on one place don't actually show up on the next. That's what happened with my fully revised version of IN THE WILD. It's been a week (mostly off from work - yay!) and I still haven't printed the thing... I don't even know where the more up to date version is anymore...
At some point last tuesday I did get home and wrote a bit more on LAND OF FOG. I think I have most of it now. But I still need to revise it and tighten it up more and, probably add a few scenes. It's still patchy...
On wednesday I was back at A VIEW OF THE MOUNTAIN, finishing reading the de-development theory paper. And, amazingly enough, I didn't add any more scenes to the thing...
Also revised PARALLEL LIVES.
(I was at home so I had some free time)
On thursday I typed up some more on the WEIR-D MACHINE (stronger content than I recalled...), printed out LAND OF FOG (that I still haven't read) and failed to print the alterations in IN THE WILD...
Friday I had the day off but spent it going around London. First did a session with a friend, then went back to the house, got some food, went into central london to the myanmar embassy to get the paperwork for my tourist visa. Then off to Foyle's at Charing Cross to get some books for my little cousins, back home, some more food and off to Paul's for another roleplaying Cthulhu session.
(great as always!)
By the time I got home I know I still wrote a bit
I just don't remember on what...
Probably that ML thing.
I simply know that one of these nights I stayed up late writing titles of books and short stories by this writer. And I ended up writing a stream of poems (about 8 or 10).
As it turns out on saturday I wrote some more. And also on sunday and yesterday.
Actually yesterday I decided that what I'm probably going to do for my NaNoWriMo project is to edit ML'S unauthorised biography. In this way i get to use up all the titles I want and have a project where I get to be as weird and inconsequent as I wish.
On sunday I started writing panel descriptions for A VIEW OF THE MOUNTAIN and that was precisely what I did yesterday. For about 8 or 10 hours. I don't know. I lost count. More than 150 panels. That's all I can say. I was running out of angles, I'm telling you... but the story is definitely coming together. I realised I probably need a couple more scenes to better set the stage for the story. The Prince is becoming increasingly important and I think I came up with a couple of interesting page layouts, camera movements and scene transitions. Also did a sketch for the castle's central body. I had the image in my head but then drawing it it became clear that there were a few problems.
So I worked them out.
On sunday it was also my little cousin Mia's birthday so I spent the afternoon with her, Sophia and Lydia and their parents, David and Lisa. And Lisa's mum!
We went to the London Eye, then got on a boat to Greenwich, then went to Greenwhich market, had some pizza and back home. Simple and fun!
(and the girls loved the books I got them. lots of Jacqueline Wilson, one Garth Nix, one Salman Rushdie, one Benjamin Zephaniah and, most notably, Neil Gaiman's latest - The Graveyard Book. Which, at Foyle's, I simply couldn't put down. Didn't know if it was the right choice for Lydia or not but... I guess it was, 'cause she started reading it right there in Pizza Express!)
Also had a few more ideas for the ML biography (which, at this point I'm planning on calling Mortimer Lansky: Many Lives, Multiple Deaths - or a version of this)
Today I'm planning on typing all those panels up. Quick and simple.
Just don't know what I'll do when I get home... probably some more panels... might as well get it over with as soon as possible! It would be great if I could have A VIEW OF THE MOUNTAIN semi-finished before NaNoWriMo starts...
Peace
It's a good idea.
So people tell me.
But every so often it gets a bit mad and the things i save on one place don't actually show up on the next. That's what happened with my fully revised version of IN THE WILD. It's been a week (mostly off from work - yay!) and I still haven't printed the thing... I don't even know where the more up to date version is anymore...
At some point last tuesday I did get home and wrote a bit more on LAND OF FOG. I think I have most of it now. But I still need to revise it and tighten it up more and, probably add a few scenes. It's still patchy...
On wednesday I was back at A VIEW OF THE MOUNTAIN, finishing reading the de-development theory paper. And, amazingly enough, I didn't add any more scenes to the thing...
Also revised PARALLEL LIVES.
(I was at home so I had some free time)
On thursday I typed up some more on the WEIR-D MACHINE (stronger content than I recalled...), printed out LAND OF FOG (that I still haven't read) and failed to print the alterations in IN THE WILD...
Friday I had the day off but spent it going around London. First did a session with a friend, then went back to the house, got some food, went into central london to the myanmar embassy to get the paperwork for my tourist visa. Then off to Foyle's at Charing Cross to get some books for my little cousins, back home, some more food and off to Paul's for another roleplaying Cthulhu session.
(great as always!)
By the time I got home I know I still wrote a bit
I just don't remember on what...
Probably that ML thing.
I simply know that one of these nights I stayed up late writing titles of books and short stories by this writer. And I ended up writing a stream of poems (about 8 or 10).
As it turns out on saturday I wrote some more. And also on sunday and yesterday.
Actually yesterday I decided that what I'm probably going to do for my NaNoWriMo project is to edit ML'S unauthorised biography. In this way i get to use up all the titles I want and have a project where I get to be as weird and inconsequent as I wish.
On sunday I started writing panel descriptions for A VIEW OF THE MOUNTAIN and that was precisely what I did yesterday. For about 8 or 10 hours. I don't know. I lost count. More than 150 panels. That's all I can say. I was running out of angles, I'm telling you... but the story is definitely coming together. I realised I probably need a couple more scenes to better set the stage for the story. The Prince is becoming increasingly important and I think I came up with a couple of interesting page layouts, camera movements and scene transitions. Also did a sketch for the castle's central body. I had the image in my head but then drawing it it became clear that there were a few problems.
So I worked them out.
On sunday it was also my little cousin Mia's birthday so I spent the afternoon with her, Sophia and Lydia and their parents, David and Lisa. And Lisa's mum!
We went to the London Eye, then got on a boat to Greenwich, then went to Greenwhich market, had some pizza and back home. Simple and fun!
(and the girls loved the books I got them. lots of Jacqueline Wilson, one Garth Nix, one Salman Rushdie, one Benjamin Zephaniah and, most notably, Neil Gaiman's latest - The Graveyard Book. Which, at Foyle's, I simply couldn't put down. Didn't know if it was the right choice for Lydia or not but... I guess it was, 'cause she started reading it right there in Pizza Express!)
Also had a few more ideas for the ML biography (which, at this point I'm planning on calling Mortimer Lansky: Many Lives, Multiple Deaths - or a version of this)
Today I'm planning on typing all those panels up. Quick and simple.
Just don't know what I'll do when I get home... probably some more panels... might as well get it over with as soon as possible! It would be great if I could have A VIEW OF THE MOUNTAIN semi-finished before NaNoWriMo starts...
Peace
Tuesday 7 October 2008
Comics Scripting - Foggy Patchwork
If friday was a busy day, the ones that followed weren't any slower. Sometimes staying indoors is the best way to get busy. Especially if there's a lot of stuff you want to write about.
(who needs the house cleaned anyway?)
After work (and work finished at 11.30pm on that day...) I still wrote a bit on the RETALHOS project.
Saturday I also came to work but upon arriving home I wrote quite a few things. An idea for a horror film (I know, weird innit?), a bit more on a distorted superhero series that I won't tell you the title (just too good to be shared), some more on THE IMMORTALISTS, a quick return to the book about my trip to Burma almost 4 years ago, THE ORGANIC INSIGHT ENGINE (yeah, it is a good title, but I'm willing to share this one...), some more on another weird SF comics series called THE FUTUROLOGISTS and LAND OF FOG.
My whole idea for this weekend - the plan - was to focus on the RETALHOS project. Sunday was going to be spent working on the ideas I had for the 8 page long comic. And then I would mail it on monday.
But when I woke up on sunday I REALLY felt like writing LAND OF FOG. So, I thought, why not? Still plenty of time.
And then I wrote more than 8,000 words. And this went on until 1 am.
(so RETALHOS had to jump to monday...)
I finished a chapter and wrote most of another. And I'm quite happy the way both of them turned out. The scenes, even though quite freaky, seem solid enough. I enjoyed the way the characters defined themselves, came together and then drifted away too.
Monday was graphic novels reading group night and we discussed (albeit briefly) Gilbert Hernandez HEARTBREAK SOUP.
(which I still haven't read 'cause all the copies went to the readers...)
(that's why I'm not saying anything else about it right now)
On monday I managed to whip up the first draft for the RETALHOS comic. And send it out. Missing all the weird portuguese accentuation but hey... it is a first draft. And at least I'm totally cohesive on it: not a single word has any of the need accentuation.
(which means when I review the thing I'm gonna spend a couple of hours right-clicking on words and correcting them...)
When I got home I still wrote a bit more on LAND OF FOG (I really want to finish it some time soon - and I'm really enjoying the story - that's the advantage of being the writer: you get to readt it and be surprised by it before anyone else!)
Today I spent some time typing stuff I had on THE WEIRD MACHINE and, as it almost always happens, adding a few ideas to the patchwork.
Did the same with IN THE WILD. Typed everything up and am now in the process of connecting the bits of dialogue with the panels. And it's looking good. The feel of deep conection to the Earth is coming across. And I know I'll fine tuned it a bit as I go along, since it is the main drive of the story.
Anyway, can't wait to get home and...
yup
true
write some more on LAND OF FOG...
Sometimes stories just take you away.
With no return date to be found.
I've got to finish this one quickly 'cause NaNoWriMo is almost upon us all!
Peace
(who needs the house cleaned anyway?)
After work (and work finished at 11.30pm on that day...) I still wrote a bit on the RETALHOS project.
Saturday I also came to work but upon arriving home I wrote quite a few things. An idea for a horror film (I know, weird innit?), a bit more on a distorted superhero series that I won't tell you the title (just too good to be shared), some more on THE IMMORTALISTS, a quick return to the book about my trip to Burma almost 4 years ago, THE ORGANIC INSIGHT ENGINE (yeah, it is a good title, but I'm willing to share this one...), some more on another weird SF comics series called THE FUTUROLOGISTS and LAND OF FOG.
My whole idea for this weekend - the plan - was to focus on the RETALHOS project. Sunday was going to be spent working on the ideas I had for the 8 page long comic. And then I would mail it on monday.
But when I woke up on sunday I REALLY felt like writing LAND OF FOG. So, I thought, why not? Still plenty of time.
And then I wrote more than 8,000 words. And this went on until 1 am.
(so RETALHOS had to jump to monday...)
I finished a chapter and wrote most of another. And I'm quite happy the way both of them turned out. The scenes, even though quite freaky, seem solid enough. I enjoyed the way the characters defined themselves, came together and then drifted away too.
Monday was graphic novels reading group night and we discussed (albeit briefly) Gilbert Hernandez HEARTBREAK SOUP.
(which I still haven't read 'cause all the copies went to the readers...)
(that's why I'm not saying anything else about it right now)
On monday I managed to whip up the first draft for the RETALHOS comic. And send it out. Missing all the weird portuguese accentuation but hey... it is a first draft. And at least I'm totally cohesive on it: not a single word has any of the need accentuation.
(which means when I review the thing I'm gonna spend a couple of hours right-clicking on words and correcting them...)
When I got home I still wrote a bit more on LAND OF FOG (I really want to finish it some time soon - and I'm really enjoying the story - that's the advantage of being the writer: you get to readt it and be surprised by it before anyone else!)
Today I spent some time typing stuff I had on THE WEIRD MACHINE and, as it almost always happens, adding a few ideas to the patchwork.
Did the same with IN THE WILD. Typed everything up and am now in the process of connecting the bits of dialogue with the panels. And it's looking good. The feel of deep conection to the Earth is coming across. And I know I'll fine tuned it a bit as I go along, since it is the main drive of the story.
Anyway, can't wait to get home and...
yup
true
write some more on LAND OF FOG...
Sometimes stories just take you away.
With no return date to be found.
I've got to finish this one quickly 'cause NaNoWriMo is almost upon us all!
Peace
Friday 3 October 2008
THE SHIFT (excerpt)
COMICS SCRIPT
( 90 script pg. for 104 comics pg.)
SYNOPSIS
This is a script based on an idea that Luís Gurriana gave me. Like in BODY COUNT, the idea here is to use the background between the panels, the gutters, as the unconscious whilst the panels themselves will be the conscious.
What will happen towards the end is that there will be a shift. The main character’s conscious mind will split to the gutter and the panels will become the unconscious.
The idea here is to represent the fall from grace, the process that leads from sanity to insanity, something that, from the viewpoint of the outside world is terrible but, from the perspective of the individual, might actually be a good solution - and the only way of staying alive and coping with a demolishing reality.
This is a girl that saw her family be blow to bits in an American attack during the Gulf War (1991). In January 1991 she’s living with her parents on the outskirts of Baghdad when a missile destroys the house and her family. She’s trapped with their remains (inside the wreckage of their house) for days. Hungry and thirsty and with all that horror surrounding her, she’s traumatized for life. Having no family or possessions or any sort of support she starts fending for herself in any way possible.
Now (2003/2004), as a young woman, she works in a clothes factory in Fallujah (some 40 miles west of Baghdad, Iraq), sowing clothes for the Americans. She dies on the onset of Operation Phantom Fury in November 2004.
The pressure from work and the growing knowledge of the inescapability of her situation cause a mental collapse and she goes insane. Yet, inside her mind things finally seem peaceful. Now that her unconscious has taken over everything, she can finally rest. Now that the ghosts of the past have come out to play there’s nothing else to fear. This is when she discovers that she is no longer afraid to die. That in actual fact she desired it for most of her life. Her conscious mind has split from the rest of her, from her body. Her life is a film and she’s no longer particularly worried about endings and outcomes.
Shahidah’s Unconscious is divided in two: as a child and as an adult. Both to be handwritten and italicised. The conscious is not handwritten and not italicised. Hopefully this will give the reader a clearler perception of what we’re aiming for. I have kept Shahidah’s Child Unconscious italicised for greater clarity while reading the script.
FINDING
PAGE 01
February 1991. Exterior Baghdad outskirts. Baghdad is under attack by the Americans. There’s wrecked buildings everywhere, smoke billowing and explosions in the distance.
Afternoon. Full shot. Harith, a man in robes, comes towards us, walking briskly away from a nearby group of people: Nadhir, Kadar, Suhaim, Amir, Mirah, Alima, Farooq and three small children (1, 3 and 6). The group continues moving towards a stationed battered jeep next to a house heavily damaged by the attack. Mirah, also turned to us, cries for Harith.
NADHIR
Leave him. Stubborn old mules always manage to catch up.
MIRAH
Harith!
Harith’s POV. As he looks down. Harith’s shadow over the debris as he walks. There’s smoking bits of masonry and broken walls.
Harith’s POV. Looking straight ahead. The collapsed entrance/porch outside Shahidah’s house. Harith’s shadow over the debris as he moves further some more. There’s no way anyone could get into that house anymore. Harith aims at the end of the broken wall to his left.
Harith’s POV. Harith’s shadow over the debris. Harith looks straight ahead, having turned 90 degrees left after the wall. We see the huge wreckage of Shahidah’s house. Harith urinates and checks the surroundings. We are seeing even more blown up, smoking houses than before. The centre of Baghdad is somewhere ahead of us.
Full shot. Next to Harith. He’s crouching to defecate. There’s a puddle of urine scurrying away from sight. His face strains a bit. He looks away to left of panel, trying to see if anyone’s coming this way.
SHAHIDAH
(faded, out of shot, bottom right side of panel)
Help
PAGE 02
Mid shot. Side shot. Harith on his knees in panic, trousers half pulled up, looks around towards the rubble all over the place.
HARITH
Hello?! Hello?!
Close up. Besides Harith. He leans into the wreckage, trying to listen. One hand grabbing an edge of fallen masonry for support, bits of mortar coming off. Harith’s expression is even tenser now. He’s about to get up.
SHAHIDAH
(out of shot)
Help.
Mid shot. Behind Harith. Harith turns his head around the wall, gesticulating in the groups direction, screaming for help. They’re huddled around the jeep. Nadhir is the one closest to us, a bit away from the group, staking out behind some rubble. The hood of the battered jeep is popped open and Amir and Kadar are bent over it.
HARITH
NADHIR! QUICK! Everyone!
Full shot. Down shot. Closer to Harith. Harith digs frantically through the debris dead centre in the wreckage. Behind him Nadhir runs towards Harith, leaving his spot behind.
SHAHIDAH
(out of shot)
Help. Please.
HARITH
We’re coming! We’re coming!
HARITH
Nadhir!
HARITH
Hurry!
HARITH
Nadhir!
FACTORY
PAGE 03
March 2003. Establishing shot. Inside the clothes factory as the women work. Afternoon. It rains in half a dozen places through holes in the ceiling. No one seems to be paying attention to it.
Long shot. We can see a few of the women getting wet as the rain falls. Shahidah is one of them. She works sowing Made In USA labels to the inner lining of women’s underwear. The water is nonetheless prevented from hitting the production line via boards and bits of plastic hanging in various places. Shahidah sits by a table that she shares with Karam. On either side of the table there are 2 buckets. One for the underwear still needing labels to be sown, the other for the completed pieces.
Pull in on Shahidah’s face as sunlight hits her dripping cheeks. She looks up.
Pull back behind her to show her gazing upwards as sunlight filters through the holes in the ceiling.
Go back to the establishing shot. Now, instead of rain we have sunlight pouring in. Giving us a feeling of hope. Shahidah has returned back to work
PAGE 04
Close up on Shahidah’s hands as she drops a completed piece on the left bucket.
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
They never leave me.
The images.
They fill my dreams. My ever waking moment.
I see them.
Inside my mind. Inside my body.
All I feel is death. No longer thinking “why am I alive?”
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
This must be an illusion.
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
Though there’s no escape.
Close up on a woman working next to Shahidah. Side shot. As the woman leans over her sowing.
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
Mum, your face.
Close up on a guard looking suspiciously at Shahidah while she works. Behind the guard and to his side. Overlooking the whole clothes assembly line.
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
Dad, your face.
Up shot, close to Shahidah. Distorting her and those around her as the rain falls. She removes a piece of underwear from her right side bucket.
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
My brother.
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
My sister.
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
Everybody.
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
Everything collapses.
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
From nowhere I am taken.
February 1991. Same up shot but now inside the wreckage of her parents house. There are no bodies in sight, but there is plenty of destruction.
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
I can see it all from the outside, inside, there and here, there is no difference. All time is an illusion that I try to make real to the cost of sanity. Of life. To no avail. I’m no longer here. No longer here. No longer here. I’ve never been. Never been alone.
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
Everything is still here. Every stone. Every corner of my mind. Spent that time there. All that time inside. The light, coming from above, never really touching my skin.
( 90 script pg. for 104 comics pg.)
SYNOPSIS
This is a script based on an idea that Luís Gurriana gave me. Like in BODY COUNT, the idea here is to use the background between the panels, the gutters, as the unconscious whilst the panels themselves will be the conscious.
What will happen towards the end is that there will be a shift. The main character’s conscious mind will split to the gutter and the panels will become the unconscious.
The idea here is to represent the fall from grace, the process that leads from sanity to insanity, something that, from the viewpoint of the outside world is terrible but, from the perspective of the individual, might actually be a good solution - and the only way of staying alive and coping with a demolishing reality.
This is a girl that saw her family be blow to bits in an American attack during the Gulf War (1991). In January 1991 she’s living with her parents on the outskirts of Baghdad when a missile destroys the house and her family. She’s trapped with their remains (inside the wreckage of their house) for days. Hungry and thirsty and with all that horror surrounding her, she’s traumatized for life. Having no family or possessions or any sort of support she starts fending for herself in any way possible.
Now (2003/2004), as a young woman, she works in a clothes factory in Fallujah (some 40 miles west of Baghdad, Iraq), sowing clothes for the Americans. She dies on the onset of Operation Phantom Fury in November 2004.
The pressure from work and the growing knowledge of the inescapability of her situation cause a mental collapse and she goes insane. Yet, inside her mind things finally seem peaceful. Now that her unconscious has taken over everything, she can finally rest. Now that the ghosts of the past have come out to play there’s nothing else to fear. This is when she discovers that she is no longer afraid to die. That in actual fact she desired it for most of her life. Her conscious mind has split from the rest of her, from her body. Her life is a film and she’s no longer particularly worried about endings and outcomes.
Shahidah’s Unconscious is divided in two: as a child and as an adult. Both to be handwritten and italicised. The conscious is not handwritten and not italicised. Hopefully this will give the reader a clearler perception of what we’re aiming for. I have kept Shahidah’s Child Unconscious italicised for greater clarity while reading the script.
FINDING
PAGE 01
February 1991. Exterior Baghdad outskirts. Baghdad is under attack by the Americans. There’s wrecked buildings everywhere, smoke billowing and explosions in the distance.
Afternoon. Full shot. Harith, a man in robes, comes towards us, walking briskly away from a nearby group of people: Nadhir, Kadar, Suhaim, Amir, Mirah, Alima, Farooq and three small children (1, 3 and 6). The group continues moving towards a stationed battered jeep next to a house heavily damaged by the attack. Mirah, also turned to us, cries for Harith.
NADHIR
Leave him. Stubborn old mules always manage to catch up.
MIRAH
Harith!
Harith’s POV. As he looks down. Harith’s shadow over the debris as he walks. There’s smoking bits of masonry and broken walls.
Harith’s POV. Looking straight ahead. The collapsed entrance/porch outside Shahidah’s house. Harith’s shadow over the debris as he moves further some more. There’s no way anyone could get into that house anymore. Harith aims at the end of the broken wall to his left.
Harith’s POV. Harith’s shadow over the debris. Harith looks straight ahead, having turned 90 degrees left after the wall. We see the huge wreckage of Shahidah’s house. Harith urinates and checks the surroundings. We are seeing even more blown up, smoking houses than before. The centre of Baghdad is somewhere ahead of us.
Full shot. Next to Harith. He’s crouching to defecate. There’s a puddle of urine scurrying away from sight. His face strains a bit. He looks away to left of panel, trying to see if anyone’s coming this way.
SHAHIDAH
(faded, out of shot, bottom right side of panel)
Help
PAGE 02
Mid shot. Side shot. Harith on his knees in panic, trousers half pulled up, looks around towards the rubble all over the place.
HARITH
Hello?! Hello?!
Close up. Besides Harith. He leans into the wreckage, trying to listen. One hand grabbing an edge of fallen masonry for support, bits of mortar coming off. Harith’s expression is even tenser now. He’s about to get up.
SHAHIDAH
(out of shot)
Help.
Mid shot. Behind Harith. Harith turns his head around the wall, gesticulating in the groups direction, screaming for help. They’re huddled around the jeep. Nadhir is the one closest to us, a bit away from the group, staking out behind some rubble. The hood of the battered jeep is popped open and Amir and Kadar are bent over it.
HARITH
NADHIR! QUICK! Everyone!
Full shot. Down shot. Closer to Harith. Harith digs frantically through the debris dead centre in the wreckage. Behind him Nadhir runs towards Harith, leaving his spot behind.
SHAHIDAH
(out of shot)
Help. Please.
HARITH
We’re coming! We’re coming!
HARITH
Nadhir!
HARITH
Hurry!
HARITH
Nadhir!
FACTORY
PAGE 03
March 2003. Establishing shot. Inside the clothes factory as the women work. Afternoon. It rains in half a dozen places through holes in the ceiling. No one seems to be paying attention to it.
Long shot. We can see a few of the women getting wet as the rain falls. Shahidah is one of them. She works sowing Made In USA labels to the inner lining of women’s underwear. The water is nonetheless prevented from hitting the production line via boards and bits of plastic hanging in various places. Shahidah sits by a table that she shares with Karam. On either side of the table there are 2 buckets. One for the underwear still needing labels to be sown, the other for the completed pieces.
Pull in on Shahidah’s face as sunlight hits her dripping cheeks. She looks up.
Pull back behind her to show her gazing upwards as sunlight filters through the holes in the ceiling.
Go back to the establishing shot. Now, instead of rain we have sunlight pouring in. Giving us a feeling of hope. Shahidah has returned back to work
PAGE 04
Close up on Shahidah’s hands as she drops a completed piece on the left bucket.
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
They never leave me.
The images.
They fill my dreams. My ever waking moment.
I see them.
Inside my mind. Inside my body.
All I feel is death. No longer thinking “why am I alive?”
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
This must be an illusion.
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
Though there’s no escape.
Close up on a woman working next to Shahidah. Side shot. As the woman leans over her sowing.
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
Mum, your face.
Close up on a guard looking suspiciously at Shahidah while she works. Behind the guard and to his side. Overlooking the whole clothes assembly line.
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
Dad, your face.
Up shot, close to Shahidah. Distorting her and those around her as the rain falls. She removes a piece of underwear from her right side bucket.
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
My brother.
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
My sister.
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
Everybody.
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
Everything collapses.
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
From nowhere I am taken.
February 1991. Same up shot but now inside the wreckage of her parents house. There are no bodies in sight, but there is plenty of destruction.
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
I can see it all from the outside, inside, there and here, there is no difference. All time is an illusion that I try to make real to the cost of sanity. Of life. To no avail. I’m no longer here. No longer here. No longer here. I’ve never been. Never been alone.
CAPTION SHAHIDAH UNCONSCIOUS
Everything is still here. Every stone. Every corner of my mind. Spent that time there. All that time inside. The light, coming from above, never really touching my skin.
Comics Script - Shifting Scenes
Well, what has happened in the last week or so?
looking to my little diary I can see that most of the time has been spent around THE SHIFT (and it sure feels like it). Typing some of the scenes that were handwritten, dabbling quite a bit with it's structure and, especially, revising the whole thing.
I always find it fascinating how things come into being. Even if I've been there since the onset. Perhaps, especially if I've been there since the onset.
In a way there's a part of me that never believes that it can be done. Another that knows that it can. And somewhere in there there's another bit of me that simply does it. The thing I always have to keep reminding myself is that I just need to keep adding stuff. The Joycean technique. Don't bother erasing. Just add more. Put it into perspective. if you play enough with something it will become meaningful. It will. Trust me on this. And, mainly, trust the story. That's probably the biggest lesson I've learned so far.
The story is always right.
Writers often aren't.
We want to make things pretty or nice, or sad and horrible, but the story truly has a life of its own. And it wants to be heard as clearly as possible. The characters want to be listened to. Not told what to say.
So that's what I've been trying to do: learn how to listen to stories before I go out and tell them. THE SHIFT was a bit like that. In actual fact, most of the stories that I have been writing of late, have had that characteristic. There's a couple of ideas to them but I really never know where they're going to get to that place. Sometimes they seem too daft to ever become something worthwhile reading. And then I get surprised. Because they do. So, the moral is, learn to trust your stories. Let them do the telling. Not you. It's less work if you're not in the way.
With THE SHIFT I was having a few problems with the structure and some of the scenes. When it's something visual that I'm having trouble in writing I just try to visualize myself in the scene and merely describe what I'm seeing the way I'm seeing. If it's not right, then the second or third time I'm reviewing the script, a better visual device will come through and I'll alter whatever's necessary.
If it's a character that I'm having trouble with, again a kind of visualization is needed. But it's more like going into an internal listening mode just for that character. I try to shut all other input and merely listen. Eventually they start chatting. Characters can also be shy in the beginning. Don't forget that. But, as time passes, and they get to know you, communication will become much easier.
If it's the plot, then the case is a bit different. Here I have multiple techniques. This is perhaps because this is still the most challenging part for me. But also one of the most rewarding. Sometimes I try to sit and merely watch the whole story (or, at least, bits of it) play in my wide screen brain. Not always does this work. So I sometimes try the rational approach. What is the story about? What does it need to become more palpable? What is it lacking in terms of scenes, structure, etc to give it more cohesion? Or the emotional approach. How does the story feel so far? Am I engaged with it? In what sense and why? What do I think or feel about it when I'm reading? What fills me or drains me when going through the script?
With THE SHIFT it was a bit of all of this but never any clear answers. And you know why? Because I was lacking some scenes. That was why. But I didn't know it then. But feeling that structure wasn't working as well as I wanted, as I knew it could feel, I was somehow doubting the story, doubting what I was helping create.
At some point I decided to make a list with all the different scenes. Then I made another list organising everything chronologically. Then I made another list with the opening and ending scenes and started working my way towards the centre of the story. Then I made another list in which I divided the whole thing in three acts, three major zones of influence (to know, from Shahidah's rescue up to her first meeting with American soldiers, Shahidah's life in the factory up to her death and Shahidah's experiences whilst trapped underneath the remains of her house), ordering them in chronological order. I started realising that I had some problems with time frames and locations. So I then had to do some research and more clearly organize the story. But, by doing this, I started thinking that I needed to add a couple more scenes. To round up the story more.
I was on 100 comics pages by then.
And then, when I was reading a bit more on Fallujah and Baghdad I wrote something like "If I were to expand this story a little bit more I would add this scene and that scene and..." And suddenly the "eventual scenes" were so visual and clear that about the second or third time I thought about them I knew they had to be in the story. So I wrote them down. I added them. And Lo and Behold! The whole structure actually benefited from them. The script actually feels rounded and (to me at least) meaningful.
The big test obviously, is other people reading it and enjoy it and feel affected in a positive way by it, obviously...
Sunday was this day. I worked on the structure and revise it for most of the day. This is what happens when I stay home and actually manage to focus. I move between my computer and my bed and add stuff and revise all a bit at the same time. I've realised that it's very rare that I can stay focussed on one thing for too long, so I simply try to shift between various themes within the same story. So, I shift between revising the script and revising the stucture and typing up alterations or new scenes. This way I don't get tired of things as quickly.
And if I do get tired I simply pick up my guitar, plug it in and play for half an hour or so. I completely change the inner setting. From words to sounds. The great thing is that the thing you train the most when playing is hearing. You have to listen to what's coming out so, in a way, it's also closely related to writing. What I have found is that the two processes enhance one another. I play better when I'm writing and I write better if I play.
It's all meditation, really...
In any case, sunday was also very full of ideas. I wrote a couple of new things for THE IMMORTALISTS and ALIENATION, had an idea for a BIOGRAPHY and for another series (don't ask me what it's about 'cause I can't remember...) called BLACK MARK.
Monday was a day that I thought was going spent entirely indoors, had to go and deal with lots of paperwork instead (and buy a new pair of cycling gloves - fundamental goods in winter!), felt it wasn't going to be that great for the writing and, in actual fact turned out pretty well. THE SHIFT kept me company and wrote some more for ALIENATION.
Tuesday I went to work but still kept working on THE SHIFT.
(I was going to finish it goddammit!)
Wednesday - home at last! - PC heaven!
Guess which script I worked on?! You're correct! I spent like 10 hours solid on that day on it. Wednesday and sunday were the crucial days to really tip this boat up.
Then yesterday I finally managed to add the last couple of scenes, redo the structure and feel that the thing is finished.
In actual fact, only after I posted yesterday and got home, did I realise that I had forgotten to erase some stuff of the script. There were some bits of monologue that I felt weren't working so well and I decided to redo the scenes. I remembered to type them down but then forgot to edit the old ones...
Guess I'll have to do it today.
And print out the whole thing again.
Actually yesterday, when I was tearing the two older versions of this script, I felt for the first time that getting rid of all that paper wasn't fun anymore. I remember the first few times that I started tearing the pages into bits - to give room for the completed draft - it felt good. There was some accomplishment in that. Now, after 30 seconds of doing it I was thinking for the first time in my life that buying a paper shredder was a good idea...
Anyway. Amidst it all I still wrote (can't remember the day 'cause I forgot to write it down on my diary... actually, I remembered that I had written an email about it... wednesday the 30th of september) a draft for the TEATRO DO FRIO story. It's about a girl that goes on a coach to spend her holidays with her grandparents. The story is quite funny and charming and I'm planning on keeping all that and add a bit of fantasy to it. A kind of fable feel to it. I think it can work quite. Only 8 comics pages. Which I still have to know if it can be done. 'Cause I think they were expecting me to write an illustrated short story... only 6 pages long...
We'll see...
Peace.
looking to my little diary I can see that most of the time has been spent around THE SHIFT (and it sure feels like it). Typing some of the scenes that were handwritten, dabbling quite a bit with it's structure and, especially, revising the whole thing.
I always find it fascinating how things come into being. Even if I've been there since the onset. Perhaps, especially if I've been there since the onset.
In a way there's a part of me that never believes that it can be done. Another that knows that it can. And somewhere in there there's another bit of me that simply does it. The thing I always have to keep reminding myself is that I just need to keep adding stuff. The Joycean technique. Don't bother erasing. Just add more. Put it into perspective. if you play enough with something it will become meaningful. It will. Trust me on this. And, mainly, trust the story. That's probably the biggest lesson I've learned so far.
The story is always right.
Writers often aren't.
We want to make things pretty or nice, or sad and horrible, but the story truly has a life of its own. And it wants to be heard as clearly as possible. The characters want to be listened to. Not told what to say.
So that's what I've been trying to do: learn how to listen to stories before I go out and tell them. THE SHIFT was a bit like that. In actual fact, most of the stories that I have been writing of late, have had that characteristic. There's a couple of ideas to them but I really never know where they're going to get to that place. Sometimes they seem too daft to ever become something worthwhile reading. And then I get surprised. Because they do. So, the moral is, learn to trust your stories. Let them do the telling. Not you. It's less work if you're not in the way.
With THE SHIFT I was having a few problems with the structure and some of the scenes. When it's something visual that I'm having trouble in writing I just try to visualize myself in the scene and merely describe what I'm seeing the way I'm seeing. If it's not right, then the second or third time I'm reviewing the script, a better visual device will come through and I'll alter whatever's necessary.
If it's a character that I'm having trouble with, again a kind of visualization is needed. But it's more like going into an internal listening mode just for that character. I try to shut all other input and merely listen. Eventually they start chatting. Characters can also be shy in the beginning. Don't forget that. But, as time passes, and they get to know you, communication will become much easier.
If it's the plot, then the case is a bit different. Here I have multiple techniques. This is perhaps because this is still the most challenging part for me. But also one of the most rewarding. Sometimes I try to sit and merely watch the whole story (or, at least, bits of it) play in my wide screen brain. Not always does this work. So I sometimes try the rational approach. What is the story about? What does it need to become more palpable? What is it lacking in terms of scenes, structure, etc to give it more cohesion? Or the emotional approach. How does the story feel so far? Am I engaged with it? In what sense and why? What do I think or feel about it when I'm reading? What fills me or drains me when going through the script?
With THE SHIFT it was a bit of all of this but never any clear answers. And you know why? Because I was lacking some scenes. That was why. But I didn't know it then. But feeling that structure wasn't working as well as I wanted, as I knew it could feel, I was somehow doubting the story, doubting what I was helping create.
At some point I decided to make a list with all the different scenes. Then I made another list organising everything chronologically. Then I made another list with the opening and ending scenes and started working my way towards the centre of the story. Then I made another list in which I divided the whole thing in three acts, three major zones of influence (to know, from Shahidah's rescue up to her first meeting with American soldiers, Shahidah's life in the factory up to her death and Shahidah's experiences whilst trapped underneath the remains of her house), ordering them in chronological order. I started realising that I had some problems with time frames and locations. So I then had to do some research and more clearly organize the story. But, by doing this, I started thinking that I needed to add a couple more scenes. To round up the story more.
I was on 100 comics pages by then.
And then, when I was reading a bit more on Fallujah and Baghdad I wrote something like "If I were to expand this story a little bit more I would add this scene and that scene and..." And suddenly the "eventual scenes" were so visual and clear that about the second or third time I thought about them I knew they had to be in the story. So I wrote them down. I added them. And Lo and Behold! The whole structure actually benefited from them. The script actually feels rounded and (to me at least) meaningful.
The big test obviously, is other people reading it and enjoy it and feel affected in a positive way by it, obviously...
Sunday was this day. I worked on the structure and revise it for most of the day. This is what happens when I stay home and actually manage to focus. I move between my computer and my bed and add stuff and revise all a bit at the same time. I've realised that it's very rare that I can stay focussed on one thing for too long, so I simply try to shift between various themes within the same story. So, I shift between revising the script and revising the stucture and typing up alterations or new scenes. This way I don't get tired of things as quickly.
And if I do get tired I simply pick up my guitar, plug it in and play for half an hour or so. I completely change the inner setting. From words to sounds. The great thing is that the thing you train the most when playing is hearing. You have to listen to what's coming out so, in a way, it's also closely related to writing. What I have found is that the two processes enhance one another. I play better when I'm writing and I write better if I play.
It's all meditation, really...
In any case, sunday was also very full of ideas. I wrote a couple of new things for THE IMMORTALISTS and ALIENATION, had an idea for a BIOGRAPHY and for another series (don't ask me what it's about 'cause I can't remember...) called BLACK MARK.
Monday was a day that I thought was going spent entirely indoors, had to go and deal with lots of paperwork instead (and buy a new pair of cycling gloves - fundamental goods in winter!), felt it wasn't going to be that great for the writing and, in actual fact turned out pretty well. THE SHIFT kept me company and wrote some more for ALIENATION.
Tuesday I went to work but still kept working on THE SHIFT.
(I was going to finish it goddammit!)
Wednesday - home at last! - PC heaven!
Guess which script I worked on?! You're correct! I spent like 10 hours solid on that day on it. Wednesday and sunday were the crucial days to really tip this boat up.
Then yesterday I finally managed to add the last couple of scenes, redo the structure and feel that the thing is finished.
In actual fact, only after I posted yesterday and got home, did I realise that I had forgotten to erase some stuff of the script. There were some bits of monologue that I felt weren't working so well and I decided to redo the scenes. I remembered to type them down but then forgot to edit the old ones...
Guess I'll have to do it today.
And print out the whole thing again.
Actually yesterday, when I was tearing the two older versions of this script, I felt for the first time that getting rid of all that paper wasn't fun anymore. I remember the first few times that I started tearing the pages into bits - to give room for the completed draft - it felt good. There was some accomplishment in that. Now, after 30 seconds of doing it I was thinking for the first time in my life that buying a paper shredder was a good idea...
Anyway. Amidst it all I still wrote (can't remember the day 'cause I forgot to write it down on my diary... actually, I remembered that I had written an email about it... wednesday the 30th of september) a draft for the TEATRO DO FRIO story. It's about a girl that goes on a coach to spend her holidays with her grandparents. The story is quite funny and charming and I'm planning on keeping all that and add a bit of fantasy to it. A kind of fable feel to it. I think it can work quite. Only 8 comics pages. Which I still have to know if it can be done. 'Cause I think they were expecting me to write an illustrated short story... only 6 pages long...
We'll see...
Peace.
Thursday 2 October 2008
Comics Scripting - THE SHIFT
This is just a quick one to say that I've finally finished THE SHIFT!
(yaaayyy!!)
It's a couple of days behind schedule (I wanted to have it ready before September ended...) but at least it's done! 104 pages strong!
Tomorrow I'll post an excerpt from it and also some news on what I've been doing during the last week... there are a couple of interesting things...
Peace
(yaaayyy!!)
It's a couple of days behind schedule (I wanted to have it ready before September ended...) but at least it's done! 104 pages strong!
Tomorrow I'll post an excerpt from it and also some news on what I've been doing during the last week... there are a couple of interesting things...
Peace
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